Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
