I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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