is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
