You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
