she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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