worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
