is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
