garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
