I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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