I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
