this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
