Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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