I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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