How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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