the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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