Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
