I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
