dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
