We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
