I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
