He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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