White coat. Heels.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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