I could make wine with my vomit
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
