My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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