I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
