He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
