don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
