This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
