Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

(973): View more from New Jersey

she has no idea

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.

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(619): View more from California

Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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(907): View more from Alaska

Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.

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(813): View more from Florida

I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.

(727): View more from Florida

You love porn!

(813): View more from Florida

Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.

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