I will die if light touches me.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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