Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
