she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
