there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
