literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
