i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
