if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
