Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
