I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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