U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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