singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
