I think im going to throw up on grandma
My cat gives me a boner
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
