when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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