'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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