If that was your dad, he is hot
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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