It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it glows. i had to have it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
