that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
