i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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