I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Randomize
