What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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