I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
